Our values determine which emotions are most important to us. For example, which of the following emotions are most important to you?  Put another way, which do you want to feel on a consistent basis?

Personal growth

Now, ask yourself, what do I need to do to feel these emotions? For example, what do you need in order to feel love? The answer to that question becomes a rule we define for ourselves, telling us what needs to happen for us to experience the desired emotions. Action/circumstance = Desired emotion

Our rules can support us, as in, “To feel freedom I need to work for myself in a business that I love,” or they can hold us back, as in, “To feel freedom no one can ever tell me what to do, so I can never work in a team.”

What are your rules?  Are you using them to push yourself forward, or to hold yourself back?

What we commit to do is where the rubber meets the road. It’s our actions that propel us toward our desired outcomes. Thinking about it, planning it, wondering about it are all parts of the process, but not the whole package.

You must act. Without action, there’s too much room for fear and doubt. Have you ever thought, “I’d like to do that,” about something challenging, then had too much time to think about it? Did you talk yourself out of it?  What did you focus on? How easy it would be, or on what could go wrong?  How many times does fear stop you?

Commitment to action is the only way to get where we want to be. Action becomes a habit. The more we do it, the more we get used to it, the easier it becomes, even with the challenging stuff.

What are three actions you could commit to today, that would propel you towards your desired outcomes? If you want more joy in your life, what is something you can do today that will make you smile? It doesn’t have to be a huge thing. It can be any little something that allows you a secret (or not so secret!) smile of pleasure.

The quality of our life is determined by how we choose to conduct ourselves, what we choose to believe in, what we value and what we commit to doing. We have the power to choose all of these things. That is the most valuable power there is: The freedom to choose, in each instant, who we want to be.



The only guarantees in life are how we choose to conduct ourselves, who we choose to be, and what we commit to do.

Our conduct is based on virtues we choose to embody on a daily basis. You can create your own code of conduct, by asking yourself:

To what emotional states am I committed to practicing & living in today?

To what standards do I choose to hold myself, regardless of what happens?

For example, you might choose to be:


How do you choose to conduct yourself, regardless of the events around you, or the choices other people make?   What standards do you choose to live by?

We choose who we are by asking ourselves what we believe in, what we value and what our rules are for living our lives. Most people are unaware of the beliefs, values and rules they possess, even though these qualities determine whether or not they feel fulfilled in life.  These elements govern the choices we make, the people we are attracted to, who we aspire to be, and how we live our lives.

Pretty important!

To explore your beliefs, finish these sentences:

I believe success takes…
My life is…
People are…
Love is…
When I fail I believe…
When I succeed I believe…
To be healthy I believe…
To be happy is…

Now ask yourself, do your beliefs serve and support you? Or are they holding you back?

If your current beliefs they don’t support you, what new beliefs would? Write down three or four beliefs you know would support you in the life you want to live. Remember, there’s no right or wrong answers, only what we choose to believe.

For example, one client did the above exercise and discovered she believed love was difficult and unsafe. Examining this belief, she realized it had kept her in emotionally unsafe relationships for years. She decided to change her belief to, “I deserve love.” To live up to this belief, the current boyfriend had to go. Now she’s in a new relationship with someone who values her, rather than belittles her.

Spend the week looking at and challenging your beliefs.  Try committing yourself to at least one new belief that serves the life you want.  Then check in next week for Part Two!