I talk a lot about “victimhood” because I find this is the place most people live. When companies ask for my help, the first thing I look at is the manager or CEO. In almost every single case I’ve discover the core problem is not with the company, but with the manager or CEO. Usually he or she feels like a victim when it comes to their business.
Their belief usually centers on how they are being victimized by their partners, employees, suppliers, the government, etc. Until they move out of this victim thinking pattern, it’s impossible for me to help their company. So I work on them first.
What about your life? As long as your internal story is one of victimhood, you will continue to suffer. You may feel positively that you are not telling yourself a story of victimization, but you are suffering, then I suggest you look more closely. Do you believe some variation of a story in which you have been wronged? Whether it’s a story about God, your parents, your current or former husband, wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, the government, or circumstances, look for any place where you feel like a victim.
Even the most violent aggressors, when the superficial layer of aggression is cracked, have a story of having been wronged. Striking out in anger against individuals, groups or countries always involves a story of victimization.
Seeing how your victim story plays out in your life is an important step to realizing true freedom. When you see that your victim story has to be recreated each time it plays out, you realize you are perpetuating it. Playing it over and over in your mind takes energy, attention, belief, emotion and some kind of masochistic pleasure in the pain. Yes, it is shocking! To see this operating in you can be quite disturbing.
To stop being a victim doesn’t mean to trivialize the horror in your life, to deny it, gloss over it or repress it. However, it does mean you don’t have to justify, wail, moan, complain or seek revenge. You just leave it alone. It does not serve you in any way.
Are you willing to let go of your stories of victimization? Are you willing to let all those horrible aggressors go unpunished? At a certain point you have to be willing to call it off. Are you willing to end it? You are free to suffer and you are free to stop suffering. No one can end it but you. That is where true freedom lies. When you consciously choose to let suffering go you are free. The bondage of victimization is thinking you do not have a choice. You can choose to be free or you can choose to continue suffering. It’s up to you.