Self-Harm: Why it Happens

It may surprise you to hear that even a person who ends their life is, in a strange way, seeking to preserve themselves. Not their physical existence, of course, but what they have left of their mental wellbeing. As an act of self-preservation in terms of their mental state, they end their life.

Nearly everyone is all guilty of similar thinking, though usually in less dire circumstances. For example, pretend you’ve done a beautiful job painting and decorating a room in your home.  You show it to a friend, who immediately ooh’s and aah’s over your work. How do you respond? For many of is, it’s something like, “Yes, it went pretty well. But see that corner over there? I couldn’t get that line straight.” In other words, we pick out the tiny flaw, magnified in our eyes, and pay little attention to the beauty our friend sees.

Wow! How do we allow a tiny flaw to ruin the whole experience of beauty? And we do this in so many aspects of our lives. The simple reason: It originates with a brain pattern.

There’s a brain pattern driving us to see everything (the whole) based on one little thing (the tiny flaw). If there is a flaw, then the whole thing is flawed, and there is no beauty. This kind of all-or-nothing thinking supports negative self-talk, poor self-image and – in extreme cases – thoughts of suicide. 

A far better option is to optimize our brain patterns to reduce and eliminate the all-or-nothing outlook.  In therapy or life coaching, we address the underlying issue that produces this thinking based on feelings of hopelessness, despair, and the sense that you can’t go on – a result of the imbalance in the brain.

These are feelings, not the total of our reality. This coaching/counseling technique allows the brain to return to a state of balance and harmony, from which flows a life that’s characterized not only by the will to live but also by the will to be our best self, with the ability to see the flaw as a flaw and not as the entire room


One comment on “Self-Harm: Why it Happens

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